his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
