I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
