I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
