dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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