the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
