maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
