Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
