After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
