My room smells like vodka and shame
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize