She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
