Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
