I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
