I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
