Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
