it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
