Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
