We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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