I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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