I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
