Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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