i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i think i have two assholes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I will pee on everything he values.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
