I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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