I wish I only lived at night.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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