I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
