I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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