So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
