just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
