some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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