ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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