I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
