i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
