I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
