carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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