Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
