Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
