Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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