We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
