dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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