the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
