It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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