are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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