Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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