My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
