That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
