I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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