I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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