their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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