I wish you could order shots online.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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