I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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