...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
