As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
