The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
