and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
