i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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