Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize