its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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