ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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