Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
