wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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