Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
