Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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