she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
