How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
