She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
