I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize