She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
